There's This Jet Plane Leaving For Heaven...

Ramadhan!

2011-08-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

Ahlan wasahlan Ramadhan!

It's already the 5th day of Ramadhan but I guess it's still not too late to be blogging about this holy month. *everyone's doing it*

This Ramadhan has a very different aura and taste to it, unlike previous Ramadhans I had gone through.
I was in Jakarta, in a shopping mall, when the Maghrib adzhan on 31st July 2011 was heard. In Islam, maghrib is the indicator of a new date. So at that moment, it was already the first day of Ramadhan. I went to the musholla (prayer room) at the mall to perform my Maghrib prayers. I remember at that time, my heart was leaping with joy at the fact that it was my first prayer in this holy month. In fact I was too happy, I was in tears.

Imagine... the best of all months....

The month of purifying and cleansing.
The month where shaytan are all tied up.
The month of true jihad against nafs.
The bonus month where God gives us the chance to collect as many points we want.

I'm so grateful He let me live to see another Ramadhan. I'm truly grateful.
Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah...

Comfort Food Theory

2011-06-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today, I ate everything I felt like eating!
I was craving for nasi padang this morning, and I had it for lunch.
I wanted something strong and sweet in the late afternoon, so I got myself some donuts and my favourite latte at Dunkin's.
Then I felt like having bihun tomyam and I got exactly that for dinner.

ahh...bliss...

When I crave for a certain food I usually take my time thinking and deciding...
"If you want it, you're gonna have to get dressed now......but it's so cold to take a shower... it's gonna cost... is there a motorbike to use.... the weather doesn't look good....."
until i reach the point where I just give up and drop the craving issue altogether.

But today was different.
Sometimes your brain works too much with the thinking and decision-making of so many other problems in your life that when your tummy calls you, you'll be too exhausted to think and just oblige.

So,

I am indeed extra happy about the stuff I ate today coz during that three short meals, I get to forget my problems and just eat.

You really know when to give us the break we need, don't You? :) Subhanallah.

Zina Hati

2011-06-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I tweeted something about 'zina hati' and apparently that got some of my friends curious to know what it is. Hehe. I'm happy to answer this for you guys.

Firstly, i'm no ahli sufi or ahli fiqh or some syariah graduate from Al-Azhar. What I do/say is clearly that of a simple medical student who wishes to be closer to her Creator.

Sorry, but im gonna answer this one in bahasa Sarawak :P

Banyak org fikir zina tok just sex luar nikah. Tp sebenanya ada byk jenis zina. Ada zina lidah, zina tangan, zina telinga, zina hati, etc.

Ada hadith tok:

“Zina mata dengan melihat, kedua telinga zinanya mendengar, lidah zinanya bercakap, tangan zinanya berpegangan, kaki zinanya melangkah dan hati zinanya dgn berhasrat, membayangi,dan berharap. Semua itu dibenarkan (direalisasi) oleh kemaluan.” (HR Bukhari).

I'm sure u guys tauk lam Quran (al-isra':32) Allah swt ada mention yg kita x boleh dekati zina pun. Meaning, apa2 yg boleh mbak kita kepada zina ya x boleh.

Contohnya:
Allah swt suruh org laki n pmrpuan jaga pandangan. Org laki la especially nk. Mun org laki nangga mpuan kacak/seksi, timbullah nafsu nk bukan2.
Kakya startla imagination mcm2 la apa la. Mun nya xpat kawal, that might lead to.....phm2la nak.
So therefore, nangga prmpuan hukumnya boleh jadi haram mun org ya xpat kawal.

N jgn fikir pakei laki jak. Pakei prmpuan pun sama.
Contohnya:
kita suk ngn sorang laki. Suka ya xpa. Ya nang fitrah manusia. Tp mun dh sampei polah kita angau, khayal, smayang pun teringat2 ngn laki ya, and dress up sebab nk impress laki ya, haaa...that one is possible zina hati.
Ada nak terlalu sayang sampei sanggup 'surrender body'....nakya lagikla parah.

So, conclusion is, zina is not just sex luar nikah ya. It's also what our eyes, ears, tongue, limbs, etc do that CAN LEAD to the that main zina.

I'm trying to keep this simple walaupun explanationnya ada panjang gik. Mun x paham or ada soalan, go ahead n ask, i'll try my best :)

My Love Story

2011-06-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

My love story...

One day I read through a good friend's blog.
She was my classmate back in school.
After finished reading most of her recent posts, I looked at the right column of her blog.
There was a list of links to blogs of her friends.
I saw my name there.
Not far above my name was the name of a guy whom I didn't know.
Somehow, I was drawn to click on the name.
So I did.
Then popped out this blog.
I had no idea who this guy was.
But the stuff he wrote was very interesting.
His works were mostly Islamic and the way he conveys his message is very appealing.
Since then, I've been enticed to keep checking for his recent posts and videos.
At first my intention was clearly for my religious faith.
But the more I followed, the more my intention seemed to sway.
Just from the internet, I found out that we had so much in common, it was freaky.
Soon my heart or head or whatever that's talking inside keeps saying "could he be the one? coz it seems lk we're so meant to be!"
(eceh... muntah sekejap)
.
.
*a few pukes later*
.
.
continue...
When my feelings start to get more attached, then I decided... "okay...this is not wise anymore".
I have contemplated with my thoughts about whether I should still follow his work or not.
My head says "but this is purely for Islam Shida, nothing more."
But my heart says "hotak ko! Sah2 dah suka tahap angau. Dah2 la tu. Xyah ikut dah."
I guess it's true.
My intention in following him has clearly deviated.
So i'm going to stop.
Sorry Mister. No more following your blogs/vlogs/fb/twitter.

Because... for now there's only one true love story that i'm trying to achieve.
I love Allah swt.
And i'm doing everything I could to make Him love me.
And He likes it when a man and a woman love each other....
BUT...only when they are united by the sacred rope of marriage.
And even if I like this good, pious person, but if my heart is filled with him and not with my Creator, then there's something clearly wrong there.

My good friend said "Kalau ready, kahwin. Kalau tak ready, stay away"
Simple.

Present

2011-06-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

You can never know when Allah will take away what He has given to you. Today you may walk, but can you guarantee you'll be able to do that tomorrow? You may see now but in a few minutes your eyes can simply stop working.

Some may think and say 'God is cruel'.

But they forget....

if God had not given them brain and tongue and every nerves n hormones that come in between, they won't be able to even know what G-O-D or c-r-u-e-l is.

So praise the Lord every single day you wake up.

If you wake up healthy as usual, say alhamdulillah.

If you wake up with one body function gone, say alhamdulillah because there are others with two or more body functions gone.

But...If you don't wake up at all....

ahh...

don't worry

coz you'll return to normal

only...

just don't freak out

when your eyes, ears, limbs start talking by themselves.

Creation

2011-06-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Karimunjawa!

Amazing vacation, subhanallah!

I want to blog about it, but I need to gather the pictures first because words can't possibly describe the beauty of it.

I get teary-eyed at almost every sight.

Just too beautiful :')

I can't fathom how anyone who gets to see all this splendor and still thinks there is no god. Pfft.

"Verily! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, and the ships which sail through the sea with that which is of use to mankind, and the water (rain) which Allah sends down from the sky and makes the earth alive therewith after its death, and the moving (living) creatures of all kinds that He has scattered therein, and in the veering of winds and clouds which are held between the sky and the earth, are indeed Ayat (proofs, evidences, signs, etc.) for people of understanding."

(Al-Baqarah:164)

Dear Future Husband

2011-05-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

I want:

Babies

Furry animals

Fresh flowers

Thank you.

Not A Monkey

2011-05-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

How I feel right now- figuratively:

I'm hanging on to a tree branch.

My arms are sore from carrying this weight.

Sweat formed beneath my palms.

I'm starting to slip.

Quickly, I let go of one hand,

wipe the sweat off,

then quickly place it back on the branch

with renewed force from the millisecond rest.

I do the same for the other hand.

And I keep doing this every time I feel like i'm slipping.

All I can do is scream "HELP!"

Hoping for a savior.

Okay. This isn't a poem. Was just trying to depict the struggle I'm facing.

My hanging on the tree branch = Being strong and patient.

My arms sore = It hurts to be strong and patient every time there's trial.

Sweat = mistakes and wrong decisions. They're 'slippery' and just make it easier for you to fall. And just like how you keep producing sweat no matter how many times you've wiped it off, you keep making mistakes and wrong decisions.

Wipe and put hand back on branch = you correct your mistakes and you get back on track.

Ps: Don't have a clue why I chose tree branch. Should have chosen a cliff or the edge of a tall building or something to make it sound more dramatic...but yeah...

Shida Is A Poet. Ngahaha.

2011-05-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

Did you know? Hihi.
I used to make many poems in the past. I somehow loved translating my emotion and thoughts through literature. I even made song lyrics. Too bad I've lost most of them =/

But I did find one in my phone. I made this in around June of 2010 right after my BTN course.
It's just a stupid poem about...err.... how do I put it?... a 'change of heart'... *wink*

Along the road of newly traveled

of things exciting and thrilling too

enlightened path by colourful magics

where one finds one to make one two.

With grey she walked all mellow toned

Pranced she laughed and cried she fall

But all was heard was hers alone

Hoping for joy to chase grey gone.

Then she found a lonesome ruby

colour so red, so luminous, so shiny

and when a ray too found the stone

she knew she got what she had longed.

So sat still ruby so pretty in her pocket

And happy was she now that there's red

Till she found emerald along her red road

A feeling arises she felt rather odd

A feeling of wanting to take the red

And replace it with the green instead.

Ok, let's just be frank. My actual feeling when I wrote this poem was guilt. I had a crush on another guy when I already had a boyfriend at that time. (This happened in the PAST ok, the PAST) Twas very stupid. But yeah, that particular emotion brought me to write this. That moment I felt like the worse person on earth. Bad girl, bad girl.

But now that I see it... I'm constantly criticizing that person I used to be- not that curang girilfriend, but that person who once dared to put others first before her Creator. Astaghfirullahalazim. May God forgive me :(

That poet there, she was lonely.

She needed colour in her life.

But she went and find gemstones

when all she needed was LIGHT

for without that LIGHT

even the shiniest gem won't shine.

You Be The Judge

2011-05-14T00:54:00.000-07:00

I can choose to not wear my hijab.

I can choose to expose my arms and thighs in public.

I can choose to colour my hair and put on coloured contact lenses so I don't look very Asian.

I can choose to take 'cute' pictures of myself and post it on facebook so people would comment on how pretty I am.

I can choose to quit medical school and concentrate on dancing and singing.

I can choose to put videos of myself on Youtube so everyone can see my talent.

I can choose to date whoever I want.

I can choose to have fun in nightclubs or have drinks in bars.

I can choose to smoke, take drugs, drink alcohol whenever i'm stressed up.

I can choose to have a boyfriend and have pre-marital sex.

I can choose to have random sex with random guys.

I can choose to talk bad about people I hate.

I can choose to use all the foul words like they teach on TV.

I can choose to eat whatever I want to eat.

I can choose to go wherever I want to go.

I can choose to wear whatever I want to wear.

I can choose how I want my life to be.

But then again... where would that lead me?

We're not going to live a thousand years.

One day I'm going to die.

We are all going to die.

So if I make all these choices, where would I end up in the end?

An atheist once said "Wouldn't it be disappointing when Muslims do all those good deeds in life and die and then found out there's no Heaven?"

A Muslim answered "Wouldn't it be disappointing when non-believers do all those bad deeds in life and die and found out there IS a Hell?"

So... are you smart enough to make the right choice?

Mama Papa

2011-04-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

Mama Papa,

if only you guys know and understand the phase i'm going through now.

I'm not the same person I used to be.

I'm still your youngest child.

But I hope to become a better one.

Much better.

Don't be startled.

People may turn their back on me but I really don't want you guys to do the same.

I'm also doing this for you.

Love you Mama.

Love you Papa.

Love you guys fillah.

What I Call Kerash

2011-03-29T02:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I had this interesting conversation with my roommate Farhah....

When we were doing A-level in Shah Alam 2008-2009, I had this HUGGGGEEE crush on someone. Farhah is one those few people who knew all about it. Thinking back how I felt back then, I guess that was as far as I got to being in love with someone. It didn't even go that far when I dated my ex. I was probably very much in love even though that guy never knew about it.

Oh ya, I codenamed him HP= Hello Panda after this

ada lah some kejadian that happened. Hehe.

Throughout my entire time in Shah Alam, HP was a big part in my head. There's like this special room specially for him decorated with butterflies and hearts and rainbows and unicorns in my head. I remember all those times I couldn't pay attention in class because of him or cried because of him. AND and and he was my biggest motivation to lose weight! (walaupun tidak berjaya kerana badan saya memang degil) I hated running but because of him I went to Taman Tasik Shah Alam to run almost every day okay. And I even went on this pretty crazy diet because of him.

Eventually what did I get in the end?

He went and date other people, didn't even notice me, I got bad result for A-level, and tambah dosa for cursing that girl he dated (muahaha).

Now alllllll of that is in the past. In fact talking bout that just made my roommate and I LOL so much. But there is one thing that made me sad about that experience...

The feeling I felt back there.... wouldn't it be better if I had it towards the One that created me. If only I had a room in my head for Him and not for one of His servants. Apa standard falling in love to a slave? Fall in love ngan The Master la beb!

The dedication I executed to impress him...tsk tsk tsk..., worthless.

The tears I cried for him....would have turned to diamonds if the tears were for my Lord.

But i'm not regretting whatever happened to me in the past because all that was written by Allah so that I learn and become a better person.

So I say thank You Allah for sending me HP, not as a life partner but as a very beautiful lesson :)

ps: Never never NEVER choose to put your hopes and heart on a person because a person is just a person and can never guarantee your happiness. But if you put all of you on God, trust me, everlasting happiness awaits :) :) :)

I'm Happy Again

2011-03-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

Thank You for the strength.

Thank You for the sunny sun shine.

Thank You for this peace.

Thank You for ending this misery.

Thank You for making me breathe another day.

All praise the Creator :)

Tears Going On Forever

2011-03-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

"Allah swt will not place on a soul a burden greater than it can bear" (2:286)

While I'm going through this pain that I found unbearable, crying my eyes out day and night, thinking of ways to run away from all these, asking God to end my life and screaming inside "God please I can't take this pain!", He is actually telling me "You can do this! I'm testing you because I'm making you a better person. You will go through this and I will provide you with more happiness and serenity later, I promise."

O Allah I believe in Your promise. Make me stronger, keep me sane (coz seriously I feel like i'm on the verge of losing my head), love me and help me through this 'dunya' i'm hating every minute.

Wouldn't it be nice if I can be THERE where no one feels sad, angry, depressed. Just happiness all the time :'(

Rumah Sakit

2011-03-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

I've been having this back problem since months ago.
I was helping my mom carry a heavy loaded box from the car one morning and suddenly got this electric shock down my spine. Since then my back would ache from time to time.

I never got detailed checkups in Malaysia. I went to see the doctors twice but somehow they just prefer to give me painkillers.

But just now I went to this private hospital in Jogja called Jogjakarta International Hospital. *I'm not promoting/ advertising for this hospital*

Hehe. JPA sponsored students come here all the time because we have insurance. So... 5 star treatment, zero payment. Ngehehe.

I told the doctor (who happens to be my own lecturer -__-) bout my problem. She auscultated a bit, asked some questions, palpated a bit then sent me off to radiology to get my x-ray.
Once she got the film, she explained certain things then set me up on another follow-up because she needs to consult another specialist. But she prescribed me some drug for the pain.

What I can say is....

Why don't I get this kind of treatment back at home?

Coincidental maybe? =S

Fresh Milk

2011-03-12T09:04:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum. Hello. Hi. Apa khabar?

A new blog. Yet again. Hihi.

This took me FOREVER to start.

A medical student really has a tight schedule.

*They weren't kidding*

I actually wanted to renew my blog early 2011. A new year marks a new beginning.

But somehow that took me more than 3 months.

I've missed blogging.

I would LOVE to share everything I'd been through last couple of months from the moment I stepped into medical school to volcanic eruptions to holiday trips etc.

But that would cost me too much time and money (yes, i'm paying for every second i use the internet).

And they're all in the past.

So let's keep moving forward.

I'm starting on a new journey....